08/28/06 — OPINION ... Browsing the Net

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OPINION ... Browsing the Net

By Gene Price
Published in News on August 28, 2006 1:45 PM

I'm computer illiterate. I can type columns and editorials and letters on the computer at home and at Beaufort. But I have to call my patient and long-suffering wife Gloria to transmit them. And also to tell me what I have received on this strange medium called "the Internet."

But many of the items she calls to the screen for me -- things folks from around the globe put on "the net" -- can be are delightful!

Among them:

"People are funny. They want the front of the bus, the middle of the road -- and the back of the church."

I particularly like: "If God is your co-pilot, you should swap seats."

My friend, the Rev. Elliott Hill from Seven Springs, shared some other goodies with me. They were some of the "Year's Best Headlines."

Among them:

"Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers." (That'll stop 'em.)

"Red Tape Holds Up Bridges." (If that doesn't work, they might try duct tape!)

"New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group."

"Kids Make Nutritious Snacks." (Taste like chicken?)

And on the subject of schools, there was this encouraging (?) headline: "Local School Dropouts Cut in Half." (Another chainsaw massacre?)

Then there was the one: "Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft."

I would hesitate to point the finger at anyone, except to observe that presumably all the astronauts share the same diet.

But I blushingly suggest that they might include "Beano" on future space trips.


On a serious note, a recent e-mail noted that the ACLU was advocating banning crosses from federal property. It was followed by a picture of Arlington National Cemetery. And the challenge: "Let them try to remove these!"

Which brought to mind a question asked by U.S. Secretary of State Dean Rusk years ago when France insisted that NATO move its headquarters to another country and instructed the United States to remove all its soldiers from French soil.

Secretary Rusk reportedly asked of his French counterpart: "Including those buried at Normandy?"